Take a big breath. Inhale, and exhale. Let the smile creep upon your face, feel those goosebumps spreading across your arms. You now have, closure.
This is a feeling everyone wants to experience in their life. Many people go through their life trying to figure out ways to achieve such relief. Some spend those days in fake happiness, some in pure sorrow. Everyone feels and conveys emotions differently, but deep down everyone feels the same tiny seed of sadness. They want the weights to come off their body and feel free again. They want to take off the chains of guilt and regain their optimism.
Many people spend so much time and energy asking themselves so many questions. How can I find closure? Will I feel any different? Will I experience a huge, defining moment? What if I only achieve partial closure? Even though I've received closure, will it hurt any less? Can I truly feel closure if all parties involved are not relieved? There are so many questions and no one knows specific answers. Every experience, situation, and person is different. No two people encounter the same reaction. Some people feel after the feel closure it’s the end, little do they realize it’s the opportunity for so many questions to arise.
When I Googled the term "psychological closure" there were some very interesting common themes in all the searches. Closure is what people want to help deal with the pain and grief from a lose or tragic event, but a person may also feel sorry that closure has been achieved. They have been consumed by specific thoughts and actions for a long period of time and now they have the answers they are looking for. Although this is an opportunity to turn over a new leaf, this new life may be harsh for some. They aren't sure how to go about their daily lives. Their all consuming prior thought is now in the past and put to rest. A new thought will have to fill their mind.
Closure doesn't always bring feelings of happiness. However, I personally believe closure will always provide feelings of relief. Happiness is having a smile on your face and being able to enjoy things around you. Being able to see the glass as half full, making new goals, and doing everything possible to lead a joyous life. Relief is simply allowing that weight to come off your shoulders that one has been carrying around for so long. To some relief may be enough, but to others they want happiness as well. I got lucky. I have been guided to answers that I have been looking for and not only has the anchor been lifted off my chest, but I can see the sun shining and hear the birds singing.
Many birth mothers can agree that through this entire process all they are hoping to feel is closure from someone. It could be the father, themselves, but mostly their child. And although there are days I feel complete relief, I will have to wait years before I can feel that relief from my child. But that's a feeling I am ok waiting for. Throughout this process I've learned there are things we cannot rush. We must learn to be patient.
In church everyone warns you to never pray for patience. If you do God will continue to throw road blocks your way. It's an open invitation to receive trial after trial. As always, I never listened to those people. From day one in this adoption process I prayed for patience and I still continue to do so. That may be why things have been a little rough in my direction. But I will continue to pray for patience as long as I know my Lil Puddin is happy. And she is. I’ve come to know along the road that if we’re smart, when we pray for patience we should also ask for strength to endure the hardships that come hand in hand. We must earn the blessings that are promised to us. We cannot expect them to just fall into our laps. But it’s ok to ask for help along the way.
I've also recently learned that blessings and positive results come when we least expect them. When we have reached our absolute bottom point, God is there ready to bless our lives if we will reach out to him. Closure doesn't come from those around us. It comes from heaven above. I feel sorry for people who don’t believe in the power of prayer. I used to be one of those people. After things started to get rough I decided I could no longer do this on my own, I needed Divine Assistance. If only I had started praying earlier. For those of you who don’t believe, all I ask is that you pray about praying. It’s amazing what answers you will receive. Although I do not recommend praying for patience your first go round, just pray for assistance. I know that God is waiting for us to ask him to help us. We can’t do everything on our own. We aren’t super humans. It’s amazing what you’ll learn.
Until next time, be patient and love those around you. Closure is right around the corner.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The Family:My Proclamation to You
I'm really stuck on talking about the family right now and before reading please note: I am not perfect at what I preach. I discuss these things mostly so I can better myself. And all of these thoughts come from my head straight to the keyboard so some thoughts are jumbled and incomplete. For this I apologize.
Today's topic comes from an LDS doctrine on the family.
THE FAMILY:A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD
The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
All human beings - male and female - are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.
The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully and wedded as husband and wife.
We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.
Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives-mothers and fathers-will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.
Copied from lds.org
How I love these words. For those of you who don’t know this document is a staple in the Mormon religion about the family. I never really read it until recently. Of course over the span of my lifetime I’d heard people read paragraphs and quote certain lines. But I had never sat down and read word for word on my own. I wish now that I had read it sooner. No one talks about the family this way anymore. They brush off the importance of having two parents in the home. Women now days are focusing more on a career instead of raising their children. Men spend more time worried about the upcoming football game than helping raise his children. Babies are considered a burden by others and don’t realize how close to heaven they are when holding a newborn. Teenagers and young adults call their parents to borrow money and get bailed out of jail. Dinner is ate around the t.v. We as a society have lost the desire to spend the maximum possible time with our immediate and extended family.
Because of these words, I know my choice to place My Puddin for adoption was absolutely the best. Every child deserves to have two parents who love each other. And every mother or father should have a spouse by their side helping the family unit run smoothly. I’m not saying single parents don’t make good parents. But I grew up being raised by a single mother, and as amazing as she is, I wish there were two parents in the home consistently. It’s hard when each household has different rules, it’s so confusing to the child. I realized my baby would spend her time going back and forth between two broken houses. She would never have a home. I didn’t want that for her. I wanted her to have a mom and dad 100% of the time.
I know some of my readers don’t understand the LDS religion. When a baby is born, parents and child have the opportunity to be sealed together for time and all eternity. We believe that after we have died the parents and children will remain a family unit in heaven. Parents must be temple worthy and sealed to their spouse before a child can be sealed to them. Due to these circumstances, My Puddin could not be sealed to me. Her eternal salvation is most important to me and I wanted her to be placed with a family that could be sealed to her now. I was worried we would die and she wouldn’t have a family to cleave to in heaven. I love her so much and I want her to spend as much time with her eternal family now as possible. I know for those outside our religion it can be hard to understand. I hope that one day everyone will understand the how amazing sealing power is.
To those reading my blog, I ask this of you. Place your family above all worldly “important” things. Call your parents and tell them you missed them. Give your children an extra tight hug. Bring back dinner at the family table. Some believe the world is going to end in a few months. Although I do not believe this is the case, treat your family as if the Mayans are correct. This is not something I’m perfect at. In fact I could tell my family I love them a lot more than I do. Forgive whatever mistakes have been made in the past. Time is ticking and we won’t be on this earth forever. So quit spending time at the bar and being stupid. Go home and love your parents. Prepare yourself to be an amazing parent and spouse. Family is there from day one until the end. Don't ever take it for granted.
Today's topic comes from an LDS doctrine on the family.
THE FAMILY:A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD
The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
All human beings - male and female - are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.
The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully and wedded as husband and wife.
We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.
Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives-mothers and fathers-will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.
Copied from lds.org
How I love these words. For those of you who don’t know this document is a staple in the Mormon religion about the family. I never really read it until recently. Of course over the span of my lifetime I’d heard people read paragraphs and quote certain lines. But I had never sat down and read word for word on my own. I wish now that I had read it sooner. No one talks about the family this way anymore. They brush off the importance of having two parents in the home. Women now days are focusing more on a career instead of raising their children. Men spend more time worried about the upcoming football game than helping raise his children. Babies are considered a burden by others and don’t realize how close to heaven they are when holding a newborn. Teenagers and young adults call their parents to borrow money and get bailed out of jail. Dinner is ate around the t.v. We as a society have lost the desire to spend the maximum possible time with our immediate and extended family.
Because of these words, I know my choice to place My Puddin for adoption was absolutely the best. Every child deserves to have two parents who love each other. And every mother or father should have a spouse by their side helping the family unit run smoothly. I’m not saying single parents don’t make good parents. But I grew up being raised by a single mother, and as amazing as she is, I wish there were two parents in the home consistently. It’s hard when each household has different rules, it’s so confusing to the child. I realized my baby would spend her time going back and forth between two broken houses. She would never have a home. I didn’t want that for her. I wanted her to have a mom and dad 100% of the time.
I know some of my readers don’t understand the LDS religion. When a baby is born, parents and child have the opportunity to be sealed together for time and all eternity. We believe that after we have died the parents and children will remain a family unit in heaven. Parents must be temple worthy and sealed to their spouse before a child can be sealed to them. Due to these circumstances, My Puddin could not be sealed to me. Her eternal salvation is most important to me and I wanted her to be placed with a family that could be sealed to her now. I was worried we would die and she wouldn’t have a family to cleave to in heaven. I love her so much and I want her to spend as much time with her eternal family now as possible. I know for those outside our religion it can be hard to understand. I hope that one day everyone will understand the how amazing sealing power is.
To those reading my blog, I ask this of you. Place your family above all worldly “important” things. Call your parents and tell them you missed them. Give your children an extra tight hug. Bring back dinner at the family table. Some believe the world is going to end in a few months. Although I do not believe this is the case, treat your family as if the Mayans are correct. This is not something I’m perfect at. In fact I could tell my family I love them a lot more than I do. Forgive whatever mistakes have been made in the past. Time is ticking and we won’t be on this earth forever. So quit spending time at the bar and being stupid. Go home and love your parents. Prepare yourself to be an amazing parent and spouse. Family is there from day one until the end. Don't ever take it for granted.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
What's Wrong with This Famliy Portrait?
Webster’s Dictionary describes a Pandemic as: “an outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area and affects an exceptionally high proportion of the population”. We have a pandemic on our hands. Everyday girls are losing their virginity by age 14, 15, sometimes even 12. Sex has become a mere casualty. An individual’s social status is now completely sexually based. The kids eating lunch in the high school bathroom aren’t the nerds or the socially awkward, it’s the virgins and “goody two shoes”. Our ancestors are rolling over in the grave appalled by the activities us young adults participate in.
Along with those decreased “popping your cherry” ages comes increased “my eggo’s now prego” numbers. High schools are now opening day cares so students can finish their education while being a parent.
Most people don’t see the problem of starting their family early. They have a picture perfect idea in their head. I saw that picture in my mind. I believed it was possible to find that one person I could spend the rest of my life with. After only a few short months of dating I thought I had found someone I could start a family with. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe some people can find there soul mates in just a short time, but for others, the cloud of lust shadows one’s mind and portrays the image of love. Unfortunately this is what happened to me. I got so wrapped up in the physical relationship I didn’t realize until too late that the emotional connection was stunted at a very early stage. Our connection was continuing only on the basis of sensual wants and desires. If we had stayed together, we would have created an environment that would be considered toxic for raising a child. There was no way we could come to common grounds on any situation or belief. We were to the “point of no return” that comes right before the end of a relationship. I knew once we had this child we would not be able to live together and be the happy little family most people dream about.
It is my personal belief that children with parents in separate households become demoralized to a certain sense. They never really grasp a true sense of right and wrong. Each parent has a different set of rules, and sometimes certain rules are put in place just to upset the other parent. It’s a constant fight of trying to be the “best parent” and become a friend more than a parent figure. And sometimes, one parent is content stepping completely out of the picture and living the life they always wanted.
Unfortunately, some parents want all the glory without any of the responsibility. They want to be able to continue to party and drink but want everyone to recognize what an amazing parent they are. Let me tell you plainly, it does not work that way. In order to be a great parent, to even be a good parent, scratch that. To be able to claim the title of parent, one must take full responsibility of their child. Help provide financial support as well as emotional support, be around to change the diapers, wipe the tears, and keep all the crazy people away. Why is this such a hard concept to comprehend? I don’t understand how someone can claim to be a parent when they have almost nothing to do with a child.
Please do not assume that I am talking specifically and exclusively about my child’s father. I can understand how people would think I am taking this opportunity to comment on all his faults and none of his good attributes when in fact I am simply writing about the general problems I see in our society today. The true values of the family unit have been thrown under the bus. I’m still so uncertain about the future, but I know it involves finding someone I can have a family with. I’m still on the hunt for that person, but I know he’s out there.
Along with those decreased “popping your cherry” ages comes increased “my eggo’s now prego” numbers. High schools are now opening day cares so students can finish their education while being a parent.
Most people don’t see the problem of starting their family early. They have a picture perfect idea in their head. I saw that picture in my mind. I believed it was possible to find that one person I could spend the rest of my life with. After only a few short months of dating I thought I had found someone I could start a family with. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe some people can find there soul mates in just a short time, but for others, the cloud of lust shadows one’s mind and portrays the image of love. Unfortunately this is what happened to me. I got so wrapped up in the physical relationship I didn’t realize until too late that the emotional connection was stunted at a very early stage. Our connection was continuing only on the basis of sensual wants and desires. If we had stayed together, we would have created an environment that would be considered toxic for raising a child. There was no way we could come to common grounds on any situation or belief. We were to the “point of no return” that comes right before the end of a relationship. I knew once we had this child we would not be able to live together and be the happy little family most people dream about.
It is my personal belief that children with parents in separate households become demoralized to a certain sense. They never really grasp a true sense of right and wrong. Each parent has a different set of rules, and sometimes certain rules are put in place just to upset the other parent. It’s a constant fight of trying to be the “best parent” and become a friend more than a parent figure. And sometimes, one parent is content stepping completely out of the picture and living the life they always wanted.
Unfortunately, some parents want all the glory without any of the responsibility. They want to be able to continue to party and drink but want everyone to recognize what an amazing parent they are. Let me tell you plainly, it does not work that way. In order to be a great parent, to even be a good parent, scratch that. To be able to claim the title of parent, one must take full responsibility of their child. Help provide financial support as well as emotional support, be around to change the diapers, wipe the tears, and keep all the crazy people away. Why is this such a hard concept to comprehend? I don’t understand how someone can claim to be a parent when they have almost nothing to do with a child.
Please do not assume that I am talking specifically and exclusively about my child’s father. I can understand how people would think I am taking this opportunity to comment on all his faults and none of his good attributes when in fact I am simply writing about the general problems I see in our society today. The true values of the family unit have been thrown under the bus. I’m still so uncertain about the future, but I know it involves finding someone I can have a family with. I’m still on the hunt for that person, but I know he’s out there.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
My Story Begins
Girls my age are reading Cosmo before they go to bed, I’m reading American Baby. They’re watching the girls on Teen Mom, I’m watching SuperWhy and Dinosaur Train. They listen to the newest top-charting singles, I listen to Mozart and sounds of the ocean. Girls my age are comparing the price of fake nails and lattes, I’m comparing the price between Huggies and Pampers.
Now true, my baby hasn’t entered this world yet, but with only a few short months to go, I can’t afford to live like those other girls my age. I’ve had a lot of growing up to do since I peed on that stick. And the thought of that little plus sign is still as scary as it was from day one. I won’t lie and say that I know what’s going to happen once my baby is born, but I do know I can work hard everyday to make sure she has the best life I can give her.
Where I come from, there are a lot of young moms. And even more young girls becoming pregnant. I have never personally watched Teen Mom or any of those shows, but if there could be a show named “The town with the most single young moms” it would be here. My cousin has a theory. There is nothing to do where I’m from. We have a mall, a few movie theatres, and some bowling alleys. Finding something to occupy your time is pretty difficult. Anyways, her theory is, people get so bored here they just have sex all the time. Why? Because it’s free and fun. Unfortunately not everyone realizes those few hours of fun can turn into a lifetime of heartache and money.
So why blog about the misery of being a young mom? Because it’s not complete misery. I believe a baby is an angel sent straight from heaven and I have been blessed enough to have one for myself. I want those girls my age experiencing the same problems to know there are others out there and it’s not the end of life. It’s the beginning.
I wrote that almost a year ago. Now, my little angel is 8 months old, and living with her adoptive family. Coming to this decision was no easy task. In fact it was the most difficult choice to date I have had to ever make. This process has been a long and grueling one. The thing I’ve come to realize though, is that no matter how hard a decision is, if it’s the right one, it’s hard to feel regret.
My Lil Puddin was born in January at an amazing 7lbs 4.5oz and 19.5 inches long. From the moment I looked into her eyes I knew we were meant to be together. She completed me. I no longer felt alone and I was there to protect her. She gave me reason to breath. She became my life.
The next few months were both amazing and devastating. I loved every minute with her. I no longer had a reason to feel unimportant. I had a precious vessel who depended on me for everything. I was her protection, food source, and shelter. I found myself wanting to wake up early and go to bed late just so I could spend every waking moment with her. And as fantastic as things were, there were struggles I didn’t know how to handle. The father and I had problems from the beginning. Before I found out I was pregnant we discussed it would be a good idea to use protection - we were in places in life that were not suitable to raise a child. Unfortunately it was just words and a short month later I found myself pregnant. Long story short, we continued to have problems even after Puddin was born. I had to realize the life I was providing for her was not as amazing as it should have been. She needed a stable two parent home where she could grow up in safety. Junktown was no place for her. When she was 3 ½ months old I decided I needed to put her well-being first. I found an amazing family for her and she is so happy and healthy I know it was the best choice for her.
Throughout this process I’ve received a lot of criticism and hatred. My name is now associated with demeaning context. I actually moved away from my hometown to get away from the abuse. But I would go through this whole thing a thousand more times if I knew in the end it was for the benefit of my baby. Some people call me a bad mom. I don’t care what they think. I know that she is better off. Don’t in any way think that I didn’t enjoy being a mom. Once I became a mom I realized it was what I am meant to be. No other job makes me happy. I dread going to work. But I wouldn’t mind changing a million poopy diapers a day.
I never thought I would be in this position. I truly believed the father and I could work things out and we could have a happy, picture perfect family. Unfortunately reality slapped me in the face with a different plan. I always believed I was “growing” Puddin for another family. And when reality gave me a curb check I realized that gut feeling was absolutely right. There was a family out there who wanted a child and couldn’t have one. I didn’t know how much personal strength it would take to watch someone else raise my baby.
Not every situation is the same as mine. Some birth fathers are willing to cooperate and the process runs as smooth as butter. But I’ve learned over the past few months that the trial I was given in life was to learn patience. I’ve never been the patient person. I’ve always wanted things right now, not in five minutes, not next week, now. Even when I was 9 months pregnant I wanted Puddin to come the day I wanted. Well, just like her Mama, she came when she felt like it. But even if both parents agree, it doesn’t make the emotional side any easier.
This is still an ongoing struggle, both emotionally and legally. I want birth moms to know that you’re not alone. It’s normal to have the ups and downs., the good days and tear filled nights. But I also want my voice to be heard by the adoptive parents, to know the pain us birth moms go through, the sacrifices we endure to help make things easier for you. And maybe this will reach the teenage girl debating on using birth control, or the boy who loves to party and doesn’t believe in condoms. If I can help save even just one person from the pain I feel, I will be completely satisfied.
Please note, I am not an expert, I haven’t read books, or taught lectures. I simply live this experience.
Now true, my baby hasn’t entered this world yet, but with only a few short months to go, I can’t afford to live like those other girls my age. I’ve had a lot of growing up to do since I peed on that stick. And the thought of that little plus sign is still as scary as it was from day one. I won’t lie and say that I know what’s going to happen once my baby is born, but I do know I can work hard everyday to make sure she has the best life I can give her.
Where I come from, there are a lot of young moms. And even more young girls becoming pregnant. I have never personally watched Teen Mom or any of those shows, but if there could be a show named “The town with the most single young moms” it would be here. My cousin has a theory. There is nothing to do where I’m from. We have a mall, a few movie theatres, and some bowling alleys. Finding something to occupy your time is pretty difficult. Anyways, her theory is, people get so bored here they just have sex all the time. Why? Because it’s free and fun. Unfortunately not everyone realizes those few hours of fun can turn into a lifetime of heartache and money.
So why blog about the misery of being a young mom? Because it’s not complete misery. I believe a baby is an angel sent straight from heaven and I have been blessed enough to have one for myself. I want those girls my age experiencing the same problems to know there are others out there and it’s not the end of life. It’s the beginning.
I wrote that almost a year ago. Now, my little angel is 8 months old, and living with her adoptive family. Coming to this decision was no easy task. In fact it was the most difficult choice to date I have had to ever make. This process has been a long and grueling one. The thing I’ve come to realize though, is that no matter how hard a decision is, if it’s the right one, it’s hard to feel regret.
My Lil Puddin was born in January at an amazing 7lbs 4.5oz and 19.5 inches long. From the moment I looked into her eyes I knew we were meant to be together. She completed me. I no longer felt alone and I was there to protect her. She gave me reason to breath. She became my life.
The next few months were both amazing and devastating. I loved every minute with her. I no longer had a reason to feel unimportant. I had a precious vessel who depended on me for everything. I was her protection, food source, and shelter. I found myself wanting to wake up early and go to bed late just so I could spend every waking moment with her. And as fantastic as things were, there were struggles I didn’t know how to handle. The father and I had problems from the beginning. Before I found out I was pregnant we discussed it would be a good idea to use protection - we were in places in life that were not suitable to raise a child. Unfortunately it was just words and a short month later I found myself pregnant. Long story short, we continued to have problems even after Puddin was born. I had to realize the life I was providing for her was not as amazing as it should have been. She needed a stable two parent home where she could grow up in safety. Junktown was no place for her. When she was 3 ½ months old I decided I needed to put her well-being first. I found an amazing family for her and she is so happy and healthy I know it was the best choice for her.
Throughout this process I’ve received a lot of criticism and hatred. My name is now associated with demeaning context. I actually moved away from my hometown to get away from the abuse. But I would go through this whole thing a thousand more times if I knew in the end it was for the benefit of my baby. Some people call me a bad mom. I don’t care what they think. I know that she is better off. Don’t in any way think that I didn’t enjoy being a mom. Once I became a mom I realized it was what I am meant to be. No other job makes me happy. I dread going to work. But I wouldn’t mind changing a million poopy diapers a day.
I never thought I would be in this position. I truly believed the father and I could work things out and we could have a happy, picture perfect family. Unfortunately reality slapped me in the face with a different plan. I always believed I was “growing” Puddin for another family. And when reality gave me a curb check I realized that gut feeling was absolutely right. There was a family out there who wanted a child and couldn’t have one. I didn’t know how much personal strength it would take to watch someone else raise my baby.
Not every situation is the same as mine. Some birth fathers are willing to cooperate and the process runs as smooth as butter. But I’ve learned over the past few months that the trial I was given in life was to learn patience. I’ve never been the patient person. I’ve always wanted things right now, not in five minutes, not next week, now. Even when I was 9 months pregnant I wanted Puddin to come the day I wanted. Well, just like her Mama, she came when she felt like it. But even if both parents agree, it doesn’t make the emotional side any easier.
This is still an ongoing struggle, both emotionally and legally. I want birth moms to know that you’re not alone. It’s normal to have the ups and downs., the good days and tear filled nights. But I also want my voice to be heard by the adoptive parents, to know the pain us birth moms go through, the sacrifices we endure to help make things easier for you. And maybe this will reach the teenage girl debating on using birth control, or the boy who loves to party and doesn’t believe in condoms. If I can help save even just one person from the pain I feel, I will be completely satisfied.
Please note, I am not an expert, I haven’t read books, or taught lectures. I simply live this experience.
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