Take a big breath. Inhale, and exhale. Let the smile creep upon your face, feel those goosebumps spreading across your arms. You now have, closure.
This is a feeling everyone wants to experience in their life. Many people go through their life trying to figure out ways to achieve such relief. Some spend those days in fake happiness, some in pure sorrow. Everyone feels and conveys emotions differently, but deep down everyone feels the same tiny seed of sadness. They want the weights to come off their body and feel free again. They want to take off the chains of guilt and regain their optimism.
Many people spend so much time and energy asking themselves so many questions. How can I find closure? Will I feel any different? Will I experience a huge, defining moment? What if I only achieve partial closure? Even though I've received closure, will it hurt any less? Can I truly feel closure if all parties involved are not relieved? There are so many questions and no one knows specific answers. Every experience, situation, and person is different. No two people encounter the same reaction. Some people feel after the feel closure it’s the end, little do they realize it’s the opportunity for so many questions to arise.
When I Googled the term "psychological closure" there were some very interesting common themes in all the searches. Closure is what people want to help deal with the pain and grief from a lose or tragic event, but a person may also feel sorry that closure has been achieved. They have been consumed by specific thoughts and actions for a long period of time and now they have the answers they are looking for. Although this is an opportunity to turn over a new leaf, this new life may be harsh for some. They aren't sure how to go about their daily lives. Their all consuming prior thought is now in the past and put to rest. A new thought will have to fill their mind.
Closure doesn't always bring feelings of happiness. However, I personally believe closure will always provide feelings of relief. Happiness is having a smile on your face and being able to enjoy things around you. Being able to see the glass as half full, making new goals, and doing everything possible to lead a joyous life. Relief is simply allowing that weight to come off your shoulders that one has been carrying around for so long. To some relief may be enough, but to others they want happiness as well. I got lucky. I have been guided to answers that I have been looking for and not only has the anchor been lifted off my chest, but I can see the sun shining and hear the birds singing.
Many birth mothers can agree that through this entire process all they are hoping to feel is closure from someone. It could be the father, themselves, but mostly their child. And although there are days I feel complete relief, I will have to wait years before I can feel that relief from my child. But that's a feeling I am ok waiting for. Throughout this process I've learned there are things we cannot rush. We must learn to be patient.
In church everyone warns you to never pray for patience. If you do God will continue to throw road blocks your way. It's an open invitation to receive trial after trial. As always, I never listened to those people. From day one in this adoption process I prayed for patience and I still continue to do so. That may be why things have been a little rough in my direction. But I will continue to pray for patience as long as I know my Lil Puddin is happy. And she is. I’ve come to know along the road that if we’re smart, when we pray for patience we should also ask for strength to endure the hardships that come hand in hand. We must earn the blessings that are promised to us. We cannot expect them to just fall into our laps. But it’s ok to ask for help along the way.
I've also recently learned that blessings and positive results come when we least expect them. When we have reached our absolute bottom point, God is there ready to bless our lives if we will reach out to him. Closure doesn't come from those around us. It comes from heaven above. I feel sorry for people who don’t believe in the power of prayer. I used to be one of those people. After things started to get rough I decided I could no longer do this on my own, I needed Divine Assistance. If only I had started praying earlier. For those of you who don’t believe, all I ask is that you pray about praying. It’s amazing what answers you will receive. Although I do not recommend praying for patience your first go round, just pray for assistance. I know that God is waiting for us to ask him to help us. We can’t do everything on our own. We aren’t super humans. It’s amazing what you’ll learn.
Until next time, be patient and love those around you. Closure is right around the corner.
